October 2006

I couldn’t find my letter opener at work. A box of mine was also missing, so I suspected that later in the day I would be hit in the head with the box and then stabbed with my own letter opener. I sit with my back to a high traffic area on my floor. It could have been anyone.

Later, I found my letter opener by the letter generator (a machine that puts letters in the envelopes for us). I needed it the day before when I was agressively trying to fix a paper jam. No one was planning to kill me, but I’m still going to rearrange my desk so that I’m sitting on the first floor behind the security desk.

I’m not a good blogger, but that’s ok because I live with my audience.

I’m going to write down everything my cousin Chris says and make blog postings from that, because as funny as we think we are, he’s probably funnier. My brother Charlie came to my parents’ party in Waynesboro wearing a shirt that had a stack of pancakes on it that said “STACKED.” Charlie said it was a poker thing. Chris said, “And when you lose, you take off that shirt, and there’s another shirt with one pancake on it.” I should have stopped at “probably funnier.” He also told me not to touch the grapes the neighbor’s kid was handing to me because he has Cat AIDs.

My parents moved to Waynesboro from Richmond last year, and when I visit them there’s often family there; cousins and aunts and such. I brought Thara with me this weekend. Waynesboro days are great. There’s always a ton of food, my dad is funny and plays banjo, my mom’s garden is pretty and she gives garden tours. The neighbor’s kids were playing in the yard with their dad and gave me another Baby Fever attack. I’m going to adopt, or kidnap.

I turned 27 a week ago. I had a fun night with my pals, and during the day my mom and I went on the town. We toured Maymont House and went to the Library of Virginia. I’m planning a trip to LA to see her early next year. Tar pits, here I come!

Here I am, with the statue of naked ladies behind me. True to Mrs. Dooley’s extravagant tastes, the statue is not carved from stone, but narwhal tusks.


*State Fair of Va has begun. I think about it nonstop during the rest of the year, but it’s easy to let it pass by. Maybe next Sunday.

*David Sedaris is reading at the Landmark Theater. I hope when talking about his brother Rooster, he has a ridiculous voice to go with the dialogue.

*I’m trying to focus on school. The essay I’m currently putting off as I write this references Tristram Shandy, so I at least started to read it.

* Here’s a poem Susan wrote while on hold with Linksys.

My God, Linksys!

You’ve got a lot of calls

I guess.

But I

I have not got a lot of


I’d surf while waiting

Endless waves

Of wikipedia.

Or post a bulletin

Or new pics

Or rate a dvd.


I’m forced to watch our cats fight

Think about work

Wonder what the name will be

Of my next available technician.

Maybe Ashley

Maybe Terrell

Maybe Edwin

Jonah Keith Melissa Kevin.

Beth, you are taking too long.

My boyfriend’s beeping in, Sherrie.

And Robert, you need to wrap it up with your other irate customers

Because it’s late

And I am tired,

And Kelly isn’t getting any younger.