Nichole sent me her first text message ever. It read: “Funky jasdj dsgjkl boner adfas.” And I thought nothing of it.

Then she showed me Tuesday’s “Funky Winkerbean”:

We were scandalized. Funky pushes the limits all the time: amputees, alcoholism, cancer, and other things that aren’t funny and no one wants to read about in the morning. Now we have to deal with erections? “Rose is Rose” is right below that panel! That has a child or talking cat or something in it. Maybe it wasn’t what we thought — Nichole suggested that maybe instead he had the arm of the one-armed piano player who maybe Funky or someone who looks like Funky was seeing while her alcoholic boyfriend was in Iraq. This is pointless to discuss as I have come to realize that no one else reads or is even aware of Funky Winkerbean, which astounds me.

She then told me about a modern day “Family Circus” that her friend told her about and she was trying to find for me. I have to be honest, by “modernized” I thought she meant the normal FC but instead of talking, Billy shot lasers from his eyes. She apparently means that someone else draws a daily about family life and it’s more realistic. Oh well.

Later my “source” found the next day’s Funky.

It makes the previous strip funnier, I think.

I hate Funky Winkerbean.