July 2008


I am going to disregard whatever blockheaded thing Noel said to make this happen.

Note: it’s possible that only Alicia and I will be interested in this.

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As everyone knows, my two greatest passions are being involved in things that require a separate photo ID and saving money. My associate and I are now proud owners of a Costco membership.

After months of everyone singing the praises of Costco we decided to finally go for it. We just went without really thinking about what to buy. It was an exciting idea until we finished our fancy, fancy lunch of a hot dog (for the gent) and pizza (for the lady) and went wild down all the aisles. We tend to buy the same thing every week, but spending $8 for a month’s (at least) supply of anything that I usually spend $3 on is very overwhelming. I got panicky and thought maybe we should get a refund. We had to force ourselves to buy things but I think next time we will be prepared, and maybe not go on a Saturday afternoon. Hopefully our $1million worth of four items means that we won’t need to go to Ukrops or Kroger three times during the week.

We had Costco (or “Price Club”) as a kid but I don’t remember buying anything except for soft pretzels and tires. Today was a unique experience, and I hope we get better at Costcoing. I have a feeling we will run into a bunch of people we know, and also eat a depressing/exciting number of meals there. It’ll be like the 821 Cafe of our grown up years.

As I have mentioned before, WordPress has a delightful option that lets me see what word searches lead readers to my site (for instance, “who is the most awesome?”), but lately a lot of “big fat girls” and “big heavy girl” seekers have been routed to Burgerphone.  These terms have consistently been popping up in the stats for about a week and now I’m concerned. 

Two questions, Internet:

Why me, and what are you hoping to find with that search?

I have the opposite of whatever a green thumb is (a cold heart? Three grocery stores within walking distance?), so when my mom forced me to take another tomato plant with some green tomatoes already on it a few weeks ago, I really thought it would save everyone time and heartache if I just threw it out the car window on my way home. Still, I brought it home and put it on our back porch. Not only is it not dead, the tomatoes are finally ripening. I’m so proud of myself. I did very little but water it, so I’m blaming our sunless backyard at the old house for my previous agriculture failures.

In other news, my associate and I saw Wanted this weekend (we are a month behind in movies). I was bored/entertained unevenly throughout, though by the end of it I thought it was fun. Action movies are among my associate’s favorite things to see and I occasionally will watch them. When I saw another trailer for a Jason Statham movie I nearly cried. I’m not sure I can take another one right now. Oh, bald English action star. We get it, you will win in the end.

James McAvoy stars in Wanted, which is normally okay with me, but he has an American accent. Sometimes when I watch a movie and get disinterested I start working on my “three cent review” (even though they’re just called “notes” now) for Netflix. I probably missed some key plot points while attempting to clearly express how I felt about his change in dialect. Here is what I came up with: James McAvoy with an American accent is like throwing a fresh pizza in the trash. You know it’s there, but you can’t get to it.

Eh? I ended up not using it. If he spoke with his normal Scottish brogue and at some point took a determined walk through a grassy area, there’s a good chance I would have thought that this was the most romantic movie ever.

I appreciate value, especially now since fur and caviar prices are through the roof! What’s a fancy pants like me to do?

I have cut back. I only have steak dinners twice a week. I feed Ely and Milhouse once a month. I make Richard take showers using the hose out back while he waters my tomato plant at the same time (more on that — why did my mom give me a tomato plant? Does she hate tomatoes? DOESN’T SHE KNOW I WILL KILL IT? Remember those plastic electronic flowers with sunglasses that danced when you clapped? That died on me and that’s not even a living thing. I watered it too much, I guess), and I hotwire and steal other people’s cars to drive to work and save on gas. But I attempted to add a little value to the grocery store trip and I can’t help but feel burned.

Let me be your lesson to you: Don’t buy the Kroger brand version of Frosted Mini Wheats Strawberry Delight. Although it saves a $1 from the original, it’s not the same delight. It’s delite.

We are halfway through the HBO “John Adams” series. It’s so good that it makes me want to cover myself completely in American flags. Or better yet, submerge myself in egg whites and roll around in apple pie crumbs. America, hooray! My favorite part is Stephen Dillane’s portrayal of the cool loner Thomas Jefferson.

Speaking of which, my associate and I are back from Nags Head, and all of my fun facts are related to the one episode of “Good Eats” that we watched about macaroni and cheese, which was apparently first made in the kitchens of Monticello. America, hooray, forever.

Also we treated each of our days there like an eating competition. And we won! I now want to go to Puerto Rico and eat a huge chunk out of it. Mashed plantains sound like the best thing ever.

mom and kelly at cranberry glades

christie running from the stormwva

summersville lake

We are back from our weekend visit to West Virginia. It was full of cake, wild chickens, and swimming. My sister let me take her underwater camera into Summersville Lake. It’s shockproof/waterproof, but I still felt like I would break it. I got some awesome shots of some sticks and rocks.

Things I learned:

– Hummingbirds are territorial.

– West Virginia is a day’s trip away for 60% of the US population (“Might as well go” is the state motto).

-Females like “Flight of the Conchords” more than males do. This isn’t related to our trip, but something I realized over the weekend. Christie made a copy of the CD for me, and Richard’s excitement about hearing the songs in the car was outlived by my excitement by something like 400 listens. Brunettes not fighter jets!