It’s dark outside, and some super shitty rap/metal song plays while a teenage boy is outside of his home.  He touches a meteor rock at the same time that a cat passes by. We can hear a parent calling for him from off screen, and by his grimace we know that he is bothered by this.  His eyes flash green as the cat turns inside out and then immediately kills a dog.

SOMEBODY SAAAAAVE ME

Conveniently, it is Kitten Spirit Week at the high school.  It will end with a Kitten Parade and adopt-a-thon, which Lana has found time to coordinate despite running her own business for no apparent reason.  Luckily, Clark has agreed to help although he is allergic to cats, as Pete points out.

The teenage boy from earlier, named Steve, runs by and almost knocks Chloe’s books out of her hand.  Although we have never heard of him before, he is chummy with the crew so they think it is weird that he ignores them.  Whitney or someone asks if they heard about what happened to the first shipment of cats, as they have been turned inside out.  Clark scowls (but in this incredibly adorable way)(sigh).

A boring subplot involving Lex and his father’s disapproval or generic bad boy backstory has reared its head and causes Lex to wax sadness about his relationship with his dad — let’s just skip to the end after Johnathan Kent yells at Lex and Clark has to run really fast and use X-ray vision to save Lex from being dipped in lava by an exgirlfriend.

Then some more weird stuff happens while everyone is downtown at the Talon or wherever and they notice a band of feral cats following Steve, and then an old lady dies and also Clark’s mom is chased by something.  He stops it in time.

Chloe’s online research leads her to walk around Steve’s property at night with Clark.  They stumble on cat bones and Steve approaches.  His green eyes have no affect on Clark and this confuses Steve, all of this is not forgotten by Chloe.

Right before the big cat adoption drive, Lana is kidnapped and tied up somewhere full of  kittens that will be inside-outed and emit poison (Steve doesn’t know why he now has this power or what it means but they already did bugs twice this season so now it’s cats)(also whoever plays Steve is a mildly-successful star in present day)(also are Lana and Whitney broken up?).

Then this is the part that I usually fall alseep during, but I know from experience that Clark saves everyone although the kryptonite makes his hand look weird.  Martha Kent is again privy to confidential medical information and someone updates her by telephone that Steve is in the hospital where he will never hurt anyone again.  Chloe gets another article published in the local newspaper.  Lana and Clark have a chat in the barn about lessons learned where something vague he says inspires her to move on from thinking about her dead kitten or parents.

Also Pete might have shown up again.

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I have finally been forced to agreed to watch “Smallville,” and while I think it’s sweet and I like the show, it is completely bonkers.

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