“The Man-made Lakes of Chesterfield County” is the title to the play that I would write.  It’s about how I pretend to be on my phone the entire time that I’m in Chesterfield so that no one tries to recognize me from high school.  I went to Chesterfield Towne Center this weekend (the Mall of My Youth).  Have you guys seen teenagers lately?  They are so ugly!  Is that what we looked like?  All stupid ill-fitting pants and eyeliner?  The only reason that I would want to be seventeen again is so that I can comparatively be more adorable than teenage girls today.  I was a peach!  Or at least I didn’t look like my mouth was inside-out.  Despite being awkward-looking, Southside kids (I don’t know any other types) like to go shopping with their moms.  Aww.  Moms.

In other news, I stayed up late enough to watch the last episode of “Late Night with Conan O’Brien,” one of my all-time favorite shows that I don’t watch because I don’t stay awake past eleven anymore.  It was tough, but worth it.  I got a little choked up at the end during his acknowledgments, which is not surprising since I am sometimes so sentimental that I cry just thinking about the TV even being on.  I had to go to work on Saturday and was groggy all day, so I was a little pissed that when I woke up Richard was watching the entire episode online in the morning.  My efforts were pointless.  At least I got to watch some Letterman, too.

My favorite clip from the last episode (Conan’s favorite clip of all time, apparently) that I hadn’t seen before is about old time baseball.  WATCH.

Also, where can I go with this?

“There’s Man’s Law

There’s God’s Law

Then there’s Cole’s Law.”

I will run a contest for who can come up with the best crime show premise related to cole slaw.  The award is that I will steal your idea and swim in money during the show’s two-episode run.