March 2010

Triscuit is good for one thing, and that’s to be used in case the grocery store I frequent no longer carries Woven Wheats.  Since I was stuck with a box of Triscuits, while I learned that whole grain white soft winter wheat apparently is not made up,  I couldn’t help but think that this “home farming” movement that Kraft Foods is pioneering sounds like this thing that people used to do when my grandmother was a child called gardening.  That’s so crazy how old ideas like growing your own food can just pop up out of nowhere after being lost for generations only to be brought back to light thanks to some crackers.  Thank you, Triscuit, for showing us that it’s not necessary to get dill imported from South America when it can be grown in a (get this) pot in my own backyard!  Home farming!

I know I should get excited when more people want to do things like save money, save energy, be more sustainable, but I get so tired of hearing the hack ways that these ideas are reintroduced as if they’re mind-blowing suggestions (save money by cutting out that daily latte, save energy but unplugging your atom smasher when you leave the house, reduce your carbon footprint by home farming).  I mean, no shit.  I think people should know better by now that whatever is convenient today is going to be a huge health/environmental issue that is going to drive newsmagazine stories 5 years from now (like how antibacterial hand sanitizer is going to cause skin decay or make water sources turn to a yogurt-consistency, or 100 Calorie Snack packs will be the main cause of heart disease).  It’s annoying that a brand like Kraft Foods is going to soften its image and act like a savior to the cause when a big company like that (plus the consumer) is how we got obese and unfamiliar with real food to begin with (well, not me, personally, I look like this in real life).

I can’t wait for common sense to run rampant again.  You always hear stories about how we should learn things from people who grew up during the Depression — when more people relied on home farming, which is sounding better than gardening the more I type it, and did things like didn’t owe more than their annual income in credit card debt — but I bet even back then it was 10% people who were doing the right thing and 80% jokers who were trying to sell their kids for parts, and then a slow 10% who were learning from magazines about crazy strategies that saved people money in the 1890s, techniques like backyard harvesting and cutting out that daily latte.
That’s why I miss Woven Wheats.  They were cheaper and didn’t pander to me.  I mean, I’m still going to plant the dill that came with the box of Triscuits.  But I will be angry about it.

This weekend I started Garden 2010.  I cleaned up the front yard and planted a few flowers and a blackberry bush.  We’ll see how it all goes.  I also dug up two cutworms.  I couldn’t bring myself to smoosh them with my gloved hands but I did step on one.  The other somehow managed to escape.  I will find it and hopefully later in the spring I’ll have the courage to kill on site.  Also I pulled out a lot of those onion weeds (why are they weeds, anyway?  How are they different from scallions?  I’ll let someone else cook and eat them first) and when they grow clumped together and a dozen little onions are pulled out with dirt and earthworms clinging to it all, it’s really something gross.  I feel like saving the earthworms from a pile of weeds is the same thing as rescuing your high daughter from a crack den.  Both are equally disturbing, anyway.

Happy Gardening, everyone.  I feel like a pro this year, although looking back Garden 2009 was a big fail other than peppers.

(I know this isn’t impressive now, but picture what it’ll look like in two months when it’s covered in flowers, and unicorns are picking the blackberries and placing them in baskets woven from a fallen cedar branch.  All thanks to Lowes!)

One of my favorite features on Netflix is the friends section, although it’s always taken way too long to load.  It will load no more, as it’s being phased out in the next few months so jerks like me can better watch BBC sitcoms instantly.  According to the Netflix blog, less than 2% of Netflix users use the friend features, which includes seeing your pals’ queues and ratings and notes.  I have always been iffy about other Netflix user ratings, but I have trusted my friends (even if I would rent something they didn’t like just because we tend to have opposite views).

I admit that on slower days at work I have sifted through nearly 6 years of Netflix friends’ movie notes.  The reviews made it easy to remember where we were at those points in our lives, and also see how many people I know who add “YOU GUYS” in every written sentence (three).  I guess this also means there will be no new notes for me to write.  I had trained myself to think of my star-rating and brief review during every movie or TV show I have watched in the last few years.  Kind of makes watching movies not worth it anymore.

And although I live in the same city as most of my Netflix friends, I feel that this is probably the right time to sever ties with you all in real life and start anew, maybe as someone who likes sports or network TV dramas.  Bye, guys.

But for anyone with a baby turning 1 this year be prepared for this to show up in the birthday present pile (from