I try not to be a judgmental person when it comes to other parents.  I might think it looks jerky to not look up from your smart phone when you take your kid to a playground,* but maybe you need a moment to decompress and not pay attention to your child for a moment because you’re on top of things most of the time.  Who hasn’t been late making dinner because of a compelling Words with Friends game, eh?  We have to give ourselves a minute every hour to be able to share the other 59, right?  Also, why should you care what I think?

However, reading this comment thread on Apartment Therapy makes me realize that I am good at being understanding with parents who might just be having an off moment, but I still want to trip people who ass-up discussion boards with their smugness.  We all start off wanting natural births, plan to breastfeed for 18 months, and register for organic bedding, but eventually most of us end up at Old Navy buying cheap onesies made by kids just a few years older than ours.  I’m sure my associate & I come off as better than others because of our super adorable, genius baby, but we can’t take credit for much other than what she’s wearing.

It’s specifically the Apartment Therapy/Kitchn posts that attract parent douche bags — I’ll call them “mommentors,” — no, wait, that’s dumb.  I just pointed out this particular post because half of the comments were written by Maggie Gyllenhaal’s character from “Away We Go.”  For those of you who aren’t going to bother reading it, someone asks what items for a baby would you not purchase again because you didn’t need it (which is mostly particular to the baby), and so many people wrote “cribs.”  I love the exasperated “where do your kids sleep?” replies, because I also thought that their babies slept on floors before I thought of co-sleeping (I think co-sleeping is a nice idea, but I could do anything for my child except fall asleep in the same room with her.  She only started to sleep 8 hours a night so early because we moved her to her crib and she & I weren’t constantly waking each other up).

Things like co-sleeping, children who eat edamame, family dinners with toddlers, and bilingual households are all things that happen easily for some families probably.  I’m not hating on the actual things that other families do, just the parents that act like all “what, your breast milk isn’t fair trade certified?” when someone asks a question about formula brands.  I feel like a cad when I explain that we buy shoes with soles that support growing feet, like even saying that is too preachy although 97% of toddler shoes are inappropriate for children’s wear.

As usual I’ve forgotten my point (I think it’s about as long as you pay loving attention to your child and also are not physically or emotionally abusive your kid will probably grow up okay no matter  what products were purchased, so don’t be a jerk about it to other people), but now that I’ve brought up the expensive shoes that are good for baby feet, I want to say that I browse online for them more than anything I’ve wanted for myself.  $50 for children’s shoes is insane but if I had money to burn, I would burn them on these:

*Last week I saw a set of parents with twins not look up from their phones at all while their kids played, and I felt bad for the kids, but I didn’t want to look at them, either, because mine is smaller and cuter and there is only one of her