January 2013


I see a lot of parenting articles that float around on the Internet about how all but the person who posted the story are terrible parents for various parent-child routines (birth plan, attachment parenting, nursing, parent-led sleep issues, baby-led weaning, TV-watching, dog fighting, diapering, potty training, JFK, blown away).  It’s very important to absorb every other parents’ judgment of you and adapt what works best for your child to what works best for someone else’s child’s parent.  Otherwise  your kid will grow up to be a horrible, unhealthy person who leaves trash in his/her wake.  I’m not sure how our own parents managed to raise us without Internet acquaintances telling them what to do.

Baby Sleep Positions

Baby Sleep Positions

JK.  I sometimes feel self-conscious about choices we’ve made as parents, but my kid is happy, smart, and gives lots of hugs, so you can’t tell me I’ve gone wrong somewhere, with the exception that I often do not have tissues or napkins handy and her face is covered in goo.  That is clearly something that I have done that has made an impact, although a temporary one, on my child.  But I recently bought pocket tissue packs and stuffed my purse and her diaper bag with tissues and snacks, so I’m pretty confident right now about my parenting.

Whenever I get worked up about possibly messing up, I remember that people my age with young children were raised completely different from how we raise our children, and as adults we don’t stop and say “this went wrong in my life because I had to cry myself to sleep as a baby” (well, I guess you could say that).  It wasn’t until I was pregnant that I had any idea how my parents treated us as babies.  It turns out, they treated us as best as they could, which is what any decent person does.  Although don’t bring up my teeth to my mom because I think she feels really bad that I spent half of my childhood at the dentist (I don’t even HAVE those teeth anymore, Mom, don’t worry about it).

While I wholly support things that make babies/toddlers/children feel secure and happy, it doesn’t stop or end with one specific element of parenting.  And you’re never going to know how you were as a parent until years later when your child is an adult and is interviewed on a podcast, probably Marc Maron’s WTF ,where he always asks about parents.  The people who you would want your children to emulate all say that their parents were supportive and communicative.  I’m sure there are many ways to get there, not entirely dependent on where your child slept as an infant (unless dog bed – that lands your kid on Mental Illness Happy Hour).

Yes, this was all a ruse so that I could recommend podcasts again.  My associate is the only person I know who listens to them, and we only sometimes listen to the same ones (we talk about Kulap and Howard of “Who Charted,” as if they are pals).  Even though I don’t see any friends enough that podcasts would come up in our catching up conversations, it would be nice to know that I’m not the only one listening to a particularly good episode of the Bugle or something.  So, listen to podcasts, unless you want to be a terrible parent.

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The saga of the stupid owl door hanger has ended. In the end, although I did bring the power drills back to life, I used an adhesive that supports up to 5 lbs to hang the hook on her door. Sure, it’s not strong enough to be useful, but it’s up and therefore it’s a goal met. Hooray for me! Hooray for the world.

The Vandring

The Vandring

On the opposite side of the room to this dumb hook is this amazing bookshelf that my dad made. I love it. It makes me feel like I live in an Apartment Therapy post, and isn’t that the dream? My dad has made several things for me/her, including a desk, a CD cabinet, and a tower for her to stand in while we’re in the kitchen.* If he opens up a shop I will let you all know.

IMG_3111

Also exactly what our real house looks like.

I have two house projects that are in the planning stages — making a compost pile that works this time, and a washing-machine-that-is- ruining-a-floor situation (these have been in the planning stages for a seriously long time).  I will hold off on writing about those until I have made progress. So, since this has basically become a mommy bjournal, here’s a toddler conversation:

Jr. Associate likes to say “knock knock” and when you say “who’s there?” she says “uh . . . “ and her name or any member of the Fresh Beat Band (though the other day “Play Legos” was there). My mom told me that my first joke was “knock knock/who’s there?/hatch/hatch who?/gesundheit.” I have taught her to say “bless you,” because although I’m not really a “bless you” person it’s already a stupid thing that we even say things after we sneeze, so might as well go the most polite route.  After I told her “hatch” and to say “hatch who?,” this was the result:

JA – Knock knock
Me – Who’s there?
JA – Catch
Me – Hatch who?
JA – Knock knock
Me – Who’s there?
JA – Catch
Me – Hatch who?
JA – Knock knock
Me – Who’s there?
JA – Bless you.

As of yesterday she says the joke correctly.   And it’s funny when she says it.

*If I’m in the kitchen for longer than 20 seconds she stops whatever she’s doing and shouts “I get-a my tower,” and then she pushes it from its storage corner until she gets it to the kitchen and then I carry it to the counter for her. Also, keep in mind she still adds “a” to the end of most words because she’s an old Italian grandmother who doesn’t get English.